The Secret to Making Consent Hot

Yes?  No? Maybe? 

On a ship full of sexy people it’s easy to jump right in for a hug, a kiss or a quick fondle.

Here is a little lesson based on things I learned in etiquette class blended with protocol from the kink community that can make your interactions on this cruise even hotter.

My suggestion is to try playing with full consent.  How do you do that?  Ask first and wait for a definite  ‘yes’ answer before you do everything.

And guess what your are flirting on a swingers cruise, so it’s a good idea to make sure you have the consent of both people in the couple.

This will be helpful when you are warming up to other couples at a bar and crucial when negotiating full on swinger play or a kink scene.

Curious? It’s a sexy dance that’s all about the slow buildup.  You start with an easy question, find the ‘yes’ answers and only move forward once you have that undeniable yes.

When you are playing this way, the questions you are asking become verbal foreplay.  If you are creative it can also encompass some very sexy dirty talk.

‘Playing with Consent’ works so perfectly because EVERYONE loves to be asked.   The act of asking shows respect, and each moment of asking builds anticipation for the fun to come.

The secret is to ask and ONLY proceed when you have a definite YES.  Here is a sample dialogue between two people, but if you are planning a swing tryst, don’t forget you will also likely need the approval of the other two partners before moving into the hot and heavy stuff.

Here is a quick fill in the blank template for asking:

  • Would you like to get a ________ ? Yes.  Go ahead and get that drink, fresh air, place to sit etc.
  • You look so _______ can I have a hug?  - Yes.  Enjoy the hug. Make a comment on how you enjoyed it.
  • Your ____ looks so ______.  Can I touch it?  Yes. Go ahead touch his muscular arm, run your fingers up her bare back, or what ever is looking good to you.
  • You look so ________ can I kiss you?  Yes.  Go slow and ask for another.
  • Mmmmm, Thats nice, do you like it?  Yes? Ask again.
  • Can I do it again?  YES

Begin with the very introductory stuff and moving into the erotic.

As you get into more intimate situations asking again and again makes for a sexier experience for both of you.

For you couples who say I don’t know what to say or I don’t know how to flirt this is a sure fire technique.

When considering this approach a few men I’ve talked to in the lifestyle have said in their swinging relationship they always wait for the female half of the couple to make the move.  The idea of trying something like this was outside their personal rules.

Personally I like to be flirted with and I don’t see a gentleman asking for a hug or kiss as an un-welcomed imposition, but it’s good to know some couples might.  How can you know?  Ask!  ‘Is it okay for me to flirt with your wife.’

Like I mentioned I like to be asked.  It makes me feel sexy and desired.  But the bottom line here is I like to be asked, not just grabbed.  Asking and then doing without a YES is not the same thing.

The most awesome thing about this approach is it prevents you from doing the wrong thing if you aren’t sure.  The good news is if you are offended by a man or anyone asking if they could hug or kiss, you can graciously turn down the offer turn down the offer with a “no thank-you.”   No harm, no foul.  Perfect consent.

How to tell if the answer was a yes, no or maybe.

The key to really making consent hot is to only proceed when you have a clear and definite ‘yes.’   Here are four different scenarios that will help you know which answer you have.

You ask that cute girl if you can ‘XYZ’ In response she…

  1. Says ‘no.’  No means no.  Ok, that one was easy.
  2. Says ‘maybe.’  This can be tricky, but maybe means no.
  3. She flips her hair, flashes you a cute smile, flutters her eyelashes, bites her lip and gives you a come hither look.  This one is trickies of all.  Here body is saying yes, but she hasn’t said it so, this one is also a NO.
  4. She says ‘Yes’ –  and only yes means yes.

Insider Secret: try hesitating again or asking if she’s sure.  Tell her you want to hear her say it again.… and wait for her to beg yes!  Things are getting even hotter.

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